me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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