I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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