i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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