i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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