Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
organizing the empties. That sober.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
