You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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