i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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