Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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