Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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