I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
