things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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