I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
