Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
