Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What drink are we having for lunch?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
