my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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