JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Welp...herpes.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
