so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
