She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
