I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
