I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
