he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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