The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
