is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
