i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
