Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
