you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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