I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
