i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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