My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
