drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
