When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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