Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
