I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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