I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
