I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
