I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Randomize
