i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
are you so shy because you have an std?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
