Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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