Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I need to stop coming to work sober
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
