how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
