She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
