hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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