Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
