i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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