went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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