just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
