1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
