If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
