i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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