Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
