I wish I only lived at night.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
