Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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