I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
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I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize